Dead to the World

http://www.thegrotesqueburlesque.wordpress.com

I am going to stop working on this blog.
If you’re still interested, you can check my my new blog at the above URL.

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivis Vici

Under Construction

THISpostSHALLbeLEFTinTHISstateUNTILiFINDtheTIMEtoMAKEit
MORE WORTH your while to read.

1… 2… 3…

4… 5… 6…

Count to 300 and die.

Oh, the above picture is a hint by the way.

Loss for words

I spent countless of hours every day, thinking about everything that comes to my mind, and when there is a need for me to pen them down, I hardly ever struggle to put my thoughts into words. It is a gift that God has given me, the ability to express myself well, so that other people can understand what I am trying to tell them. Yes, I see the beauty in words. Yes, I see the beauty in the things people tell me when they do so sincerely. Yes, I see the beauty in being appreciated with words by those I really love and care for. Yes, my words are like poison, they sink in deep into your head, trying to get you to understand their meaning. Yes, my words are like the healing waters, soothing your beaten soul, caressing your mind and putting it at ease as you tell me your thoughts, and as I comfort you with these words that seem to heal.

My words, they either build you up, or they tear you down. Even the Bible says that the hardest thing to ever tame is the tongue of Man. People die, but ideas and words, they always retain their power. All these years, I find myself loving the beauty behind words, I find myself being seduced by the words of wisdom from the philosophers of the past. And I became very vulnerable, for when words that condemn me comes out of the mouth of those I love and care for, I feel hurt, and the extent of this hurt can never be measured with the measures we are given. But when these people tell me how much they love me and appreciate me for what I am, the sense of joy that I feel far surpasses that of any I ever felt before, this feeling, it never gets old, and it beats any other temporal joy that I find in this world that is slowly fading away. This experience that I go through leaves me in amazement, leaves me in bewilderment, for I can never find words to express this unbelievable joy, it far surpasses the knowledge and wisdom of Man, and I believe that that alone is a gift from God.

I continued to ponder for what seem like an eternity, the answer to why I cannot express this feeling in words, for I kept telling myself that, there must be a way to express it out, for I want people to know what kind of joy I am having, but all I ever get were dead ends in my thoughts. I grew tired and weary, but still I continued to explore the deep and dark recesses of my mind, trying every single way to become more and more powerful in words. For I’ve seen for myself the beauty in words, and it is a sight to behold, and I want to be able to attain the wisdom and knowledge that no one else possesses. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, months into years, and I have still yet to discover for myself how intelligent I can ever become.

I became fearful, I became insecure, for all these knowledge that I’ve gathered all these years, in this journey to infinite wisdom, I was afraid that when I die, I’ll lose them all. I wanted to leave behind a legacy, and I began to share with the people around me, all the experiences that I’ve been through, in hopes that they will be able to learn from me, in hopes that when I depart from this world, they will remember me. And it just so happens that, a miracle happened in my life, and the odds are with me this time. I began to meet intriguing people, whom, unlike any others, they’ve been my friends for far longer than any others I ever had before, and even until today, this very moment, they still are. And I am thankful for them, for they taught me plenty of things that I never imagined I would ever have learnt.

Not everything has to be put to words, so long as I feel happy, I should be content already, this is what I’ve learnt from a particular lady who thinks she is stupid all the time. I am not weak, I am not useless, this is what I’ve learnt from a particular stranger I met in an event that I was not invited to, who eventually became a brother to me. And I have to thank two other great men, for if it wasn’t for them, I would not be what I am today, and yes, they are important to me as well, one of them loves to keep to himself, and the other who used to be a Wiccan, but whatever they are, I still love them.

As for the other friends, don’t be sad that I did not mention you here, for if I did, there probably would not be enough space to contain all my appreciation for you. Friends, a million “thank you” would not suffice the gratitude I have for you people, but do know that, I, Simon Joseph, appreciates all the care and concern you ever had for me.

Yours truly, madly, deeply,
Simon “Joseph” Shaw
The ever persistent, ever annoying friend.

P.S Sorry about the length of this essay, I believe it’s the longest I ever composed.

Hushabye

The sound of a horn caught his attention and he paused in his steps. No one around him seemed to have heard it. Has he lost his mind? He wondered to himself, but he wasn’t going to stay still and wait for the answer to come, and he knew that the answer isn’t going to reveal itself to him. He felt physically tired. Home is only a few hundred more meters away. For the past 2 or 3 minutes, he had been running, running ever since he bid his brother farewell. It wasn’t a very long run, he thought to himself. He wasn’t running away from any in particular, because that’s just him, he love to do things that other people would find weird.

He made the decision to continue running back home. But as he ran, thoughts seem to enter his head even more easily. He fought back the tears, the memories were painful, but they’re not going to ruin him. He continued running, until he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He slowed down his pace to what seem like a brisk walk, then to a rather normal walking pace. He hasn’t been exercising for quite a long period of time already. People around him were all wondering why is he running in the middle of the night and he found it rather amusing to see the expressions on people’s faces.

Home was finally in sight. The mere sight of his home sent this overwhelming sense of comfort into his heart, for it is where he can find people who love him and care for him. His parents, as much as they are harsh on him, he still loved them, he still loved them with his heart. He had a really long day, he yearns for a break, he yearns to be in the arms of someone he loves, but alas, these are all just dreams, wishful thinking. The silence in the lift made him edgy, and began to hum his favorite tune. When the doors of the lift finally opened again, he searched his pockets for his keys and walked towards his house. His dad was surprised by him, for his dad didn’t expect his son to come home at such an unearthly hour. His dad questioned him as to where he had been as he greeted his dad. Though he wasn’t really keen on answering the question, deep inside him, he knows that as much as his dad puts on an unfriendly facade towards him, he knows that his dad is still concerned about him.

Which father would give his son a snake, when asked for a gift? He thought to himself. It was rather comforting for him to see his father again, after such a long day, for he loved the feeling of being in a family. After he removed his shoes and placed them on the shoe rack, he dragged his heavy feet into his bedroom.

The bedroom. He loves and fears this place. For it is both a place of comfort and a prison of its own kind. But he’s positive tonight is going to be different. He knows he’s not going to hear voices; it is going to be him who would be taunting these unholy voices. For tonight, he felt free; he felt that his God is with him. He sat down in his chair, leaning back comfortably, he began to ponder over what he’s been seeing and hearing recently. He wasn’t tempted by the very thought of it, but he needed answers, and he’s going to wait, for the day to come for him to discover these otherworldly answers for himself.

Deep inside the dark recesses of his mind, he knew very well, that this journey that he’s going to take, would be one that goes against all gods. Seduction? Temptation? He never found these thoughts seductive in anyway, and he’s been through so much that things hardly tempt him. This time it’s different, it is going to be answers that he’s going to get. How certain is he? He wondered.

There is no certainty, only opportunity.

Infatuation turning into Disease

You’re the infection, my friend

Thinking, thinking about you.

Has it been a waste?

“What is my body worth?
Was there a price set before?
There’s something greater there”
- It’s Far Better To Learn by Saosin

How many of us actually practice what we preach? Sometimes I feel that there isn’t a point for me to listen from people because they don’t practice what they preach. I mean it’s like, you can’t expect me to do what you tell me, unless you set an example for me right? Ah well. And sometimes I wish to tell people, age has got nothing to do with maturity. Even studies had shown that there is even a possibility for little kids to go through even more situations than us at their age. I would like to take this time to remind everyone that, age does not equate maturity. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen some people in their 20s behaving like losers. Well then, there’s always a time and place for everything… Oh. Some people tell me that they think a lot as well, but I hate to say it but, I don’t see that happening. Seriously, you don’t have to tell me that you think a lot, you know, I’m able to see that for myself. And also, it’s not about the quantity of things that you think about. For all I know, you could be thinking about plenty of stuff, but you have yet to think about the solution to them. Thinking much is not just about the quantity, but about the depth of which we think.

“Love, love me do, you know I love you.”

Depth. Instead of thinking of only surface issues, go in deep and ask yourself questions that could keep you up the entire night. An apple, why is an apple red? Why can’t it be black? What if it was black? Would it affect the ecosystem? If it did affect the ecosystem, would the food chain be disrupted? For all you know, if apples were red, there probably won’t be any cars around. Well there is no certainty, only opportunity.

I spend long hours in the night, thinking to myself, just how minute we are compared to this universe. Are there other life forms out there? And then there’s magick. No I am not referring to the typical conjurers you see in the streets, with their fanciful parlor tricks. I’m talking about real magick. Well honestly, I doubt if anyone of us has ever encountered such stuff before. Ah well. I guess I shall stop here before anyone gets into any sort of trouble. Hmm… I guess I should be consistent in having long posts. Well I do hope you people don’t get bored reading my posts though.

Dead to the World.

If only you could see as I see, feel as I feel and seek as I seek

“I keep questioning myself as to whether is it even possible between us, but I could never get an answer.”

Its just another evening like the one before, as well as the one before that, and I’m having the usual thoughts that I have in my mind, it’s going to be another boring night after all. I dragged my feet on my way back home. I don’t want to go home, I want to go somewhere else to enjoy the night. Earlier today, in the morning, I was feeling so disappointed, and not long after, I felt fine. Sometimes I really surprise myself with all these different emotions I experience in a short period of time. I paused for a moment to take a look at my watch, and my conscience appeared beside me, telling me that it’s still way too early to head back home. As much as I really don’t want to go home, I guess I should head back anyway. While waiting for the lift, I began to think of the people I see today. It really is amusing for me to see people’s shocked expression when they see me, I really wonder what goes through their head when they see me. Ah well, too bad I was born to look this way.

“You don’t ever think about leaving me, mind you.”

I thought I misplaced my keys as I was looking for it while I was climbing up the stairs, I guess my memory is failing me. I’m getting older by the day I guess, but hey, look on the brighter side, that means I’m dying soon. My mum questioned me as to how I am while I was opening the door, I told her everything was okay, and I even told her I bought myself a new book. So… After my shower, I decided to get myself a nice glass of red wine. Leaning back comfortably in my not so comfortable chair, I took a sip of the wine, and to my disgust, I swear Chinese herbal medicine, those bitter ones, tasted better than this crap. But it can’t be, that bottle of wine is good stuff. Ah well. Too much negative thoughts for me that it’s affecting my taste buds as well eh?

“It’s not like I’ll ever forget about you, you know, you’re etched into my memories, forever.”

A familiar voice enters my mind, and I am not amused by the things he is telling me. I wouldn’t even consider him a friend, not an acquaintance, for to me, he does not deserve my respect. Well, he’s been harassing me for the past 3 or 4 years already, I’m kinda used to his presence already. For those of you who haven’t got a clue as to who I am referring to, check your bible, that is of course if you have one, he’s not a very famous character you know. I would say… He’s rather notorious. Ah well… At least he keeps me company whenever the nights make me feel miserable.

“Do you know that whenever I talk to you, it just feels so euphoric?”

Blimey. Check out the time, I guess I should go to bed already. It’s going to be another boring day ahead. When is life going to turn out fun for me. Good lord.

“If only you could see as I see, feel as I feel and seek as I seek, is there by any mere chance, that you would want to?”

But before I end this post… I guess it’s been awhile since I typed something so long eh? I wonder who are those people who still read my blog though… It’s just so boring. Ah wait!  There isn’t much negativity in this post eh? HEHE. That’s a bad sign, a really really bad sign.

I’ve yet to think of a title for this post, oh wait, I think I just did

“And just in case you’re wondering, yes I miss you, I miss you a lot.”

We had dreams. When we were young, we aspired to be the next famous scientist, the next remarkable teacher, the next noble doctor, the next amazing lawyer. We had dreams. Where are they now? The majority of us gave up thinking, and achieving these dreams. Some tell me that these dreams are nothing but childhood stuff, immature. Some tell me, there’s no way they can ever achieve these dreams. Some of us, who are more unfortunate, can never achieve these dreams due to some unfair reasons. But how many of us… How many of us actually never stopped dreaming?

“Everyday, he thinks about that string of words that were said to him, until now, he still can’t comprehend why it happened, he’s gone crazy.”

Dreams. What are they? Isn’t it a little pathetic to know that each and everyone of us owns a brain (some are moldier than others, courtesy of Marcus), but we don’t really know how it works?

“He said to me, my son, the future is murky, no one knows what lies ahead, but while we’re here, in the present, why not just have a little bit of fun, and worry not about the future? If it’s meant to be, it will be, you can’t change it.”

Good morrow my brother

“No, no you’re doing it wrong again!”
“Ah for heaven’s sake! Let me handle it alone, will you?”
“Alright… I’ll be here if you need any help, alright?”
“Yes! Stay right there, that’s all you have to do, nothing else.”

Fly me to the moon.

You’re damn right I’m wrong

Times when I dream about you, about the times we used to spend with one another, I wish that they weren’t just a dream. I wish that time could have stopped for us both. I wish that times like these won’t have to be over so soon. But nevertheless, they’re just dreams, dreams of the past, reminiscences.

Don’t we all wish we could travel back in time, to re-experience the past, to rectify our errors, to take back our words? Alas, these are nothing but signs of regret. No. I should not regret anymore.

I grow tired. I grow weary.

I thought we were friends?

Thursday

For how long more do you want to hurt me with your words. You say that I am not a man. You say that I am useless. Do you have any idea just how much these words hurt? No. I don’t expect you to have a clue. You were never tactful with your words. I wouldn’t expect you to be anyway. I had enough of these nonsense already. Thank you, my parents.

Dude where’s my car

I can’t help but to think about Flying Tunas for tonight. I want to catch them, but they’re so elusive. Don’t ask me what Flying Tunas I am talking about. Flying Tunas are… Flying Tunas. They cannot be seen by the naked eye.

Boohoo. FLYING TUNAS! Rawr! Meow. Woof. Quack. OH. Never mind.

Ashley, we shall go catch them together… BEFORE THE WORLD ENDS! Which is in another 1220 days, or rather, 3 years 4 months and 1 day. Oops, add 20 days to it please. That’s my birthday. MARCUS! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.

Yay. Let’s just hope I don’t end up on a wheelchair by then. (:

Oh hai dere… :)

Oh God. It’s like 2.40am, and I can’t sleep. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum… Why is the rum always gone?

I ish teh numb mahself wif teh uber pwainkillorx. Gudnitesh.